yesterday at 23:00.
Maybe I will, Lois, maybe I will.
4577 likes - 139 comments
Anselmo Montemayor Jr
yesterday at 23:12
KRAMER: Ho ho ho Well come on little Princess, tell Santa what you want. Don't be shy.
MOTHER: She doesn't speak English
KRAMER: Santa speaks the language of all children. A notchie watchie dotchie do.
yesterday at 23:59
Delivery man: Ah, I knew it was you! You tried to trick Hop Sing! You are on our list; Elaine Benes! And now you are on our list; Ned Isakoff.
Ned: You got me blacklisted from Hop Sing's?
Delivery man: she named name
yesterday at 23:31
I'll remember that day. Well I'll never forget it because that was the day I uh, lost my virginity to Miss Stafford, the voluptuous home room teacher.
yesterday at 20:00.
Happy #NationalPieDay from #Seinfeld!
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141 likes - 3 comments
yesterday at 20:03
Jerry: Who doesn't wash their hands?
If your not going to wash your hands, then at
least pretend that your washing them when
George: Like me.
yesterday at 20:04
Mason Masis David McVicker
yesterday at 18:02.
That's right, go. Go home to your dumbbells. Go work on your pecs and your lats, we’re all really impressed.
“The Parking Garage” is on Seinfeld tonight!
2385 likes - 107 comments
yesterday at 18:06
"You know, I've been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place."
yesterday at 18:12
"I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum." hahaha
yesterday at 18:08
"If I am not in front of my building at 6:15 when my parents get there, they are going to put me on an aggravation installment plan that will compound with interest for decades."
yesterday at 17:00.
See when Seinfeld is on in your area:
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347 likes - 17 comments
yesterday at 17:07
the parking garage. I can't believe they made an entire episode about being lost in a parking garage. it's almost like this show is about nothing
yesterday at 17:22
In this scene my co-star, who's right over here - Follow meeeee... is George Costanza, he plays an airline pilot who's just returned from Rome and I'm about to show him how much I've missed him.
yesterday at 17:16
"Jerry....I want to sssslide my tongue around you like a ssssnake. Oh! Oh!"
01/20/2017 at 22:00.
I would drape myself in velvet if it was socially acceptable.
7205 likes - 273 comments
01/20/2017 at 23:22
That's Risk. A game of world domination. Being played by 2 guys that can barely run own their lives.
01/20/2017 at 22:03
Wow, tickets to the Super Bowl! How can I ever repay you? How about I take you to dinner Jerry. You like Mendy's?...No, no, no, no, no, no, no Mendy's.
01/20/2017 at 22:25
George: You know, if it were socially acceptable--
Jerry: I know, you would drape yourself in velvet.
George: I've said that before?
Jerry: Many times. You love velvet, you want to live in velvet, everything
with the velvet...
01/20/2017 at 20:00.
5463 likes - 110 comments
01/21/2017 at 16:36
Mom is a re-gifter. I have hunted for three hours in the best malls in the country, only to have her re-gift to her younger sister. She's Jewish all right. It's a good thing she's a better person than me or I could call her on it. I love her to bits. She ran into the bed and told the bed: Leave me alone. She told me to close the curtains and while I was closing them she said to get out of the way of the television. You were in the tent next door, my Jewish cousin.
01/20/2017 at 20:02
I dont like this Tim Watley, first he re gifted then he de gifted now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp
01/20/2017 at 20:21
I come from Ukraine, no say Ukraine weak.. yeah well we're playing a game here pal... Ukraine game to you!? How about I take your little board and SMASH IT!!!! Lmao
01/20/2017 at 17:00.
I believe I referred to her personality as a potential science exhibit.
“The Dog” is on Seinfeld tonight!
1854 likes - 31 comments
01/20/2017 at 17:06
How can I be with someone like you - wouldn't respect myself. Look at you - you contribute nothing to society....
01/20/2017 at 17:12
This is one of the few episodes I really dislike. Ugh. Annoying dog and Larry David barking like a dog off-camera - Laaaaaaaaame.
01/20/2017 at 17:16
Prediction. I never see you or your dog again for the rest of my life
01/19/2017 at 22:00.
Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the roommate switch?
3669 likes - 168 comments
01/19/2017 at 22:03
"Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends."
01/19/2017 at 22:17
GEORGE: Well, if I hear you correctly--and I think that I do--my advice to you is to finish your meal, pay your check, leave here, and never mention this to anyone again.
01/19/2017 at 23:58
BABS: Hi Newman.
NEWMAN: Hi Babs.
BABS: What are you doin'?
NEWMAN: Minding my own business.
BABS: You'll never get into trouble that way.
NEWMAN: What makes you think I'm lookin' for trouble?
BABS: From what I hear you postmen don't have to look too far.
NEWMAN: ha ha ha Well you know sometimes it just has a way of finding you. Cigarette?
BABS: Don't mind if I do.
01/19/2017 at 17:00.
I love the chopsticks. I personally prefer a fork, but they look very nice.
“The Truth” is on Seinfeld tonight!
3474 likes - 143 comments
01/19/2017 at 17:03
The truth. You want the truth? It IS your earrings! It is the chopsticks, but it's so much more! You're pretentious. You call everyone by their full name You call my doorman, Sammy, "Samuel", but you didn't even say "Samuel", you went "Sam - U- EL"! Papie-ay mach-ay? What is Papie-ay mach-ay?!!
01/19/2017 at 17:02
Oh Jerry. You're the Jerome with the tax problem. You know after that day with George, I got so cuckoo, I threw out all your papers.
01/19/2017 at 17:15
You know I should be in a place like this. You can walk around wearing slippers all day. People come to see you, they pity you. Pity is overhyped and very underrated.
01/18/2017 at 22:00.
So you’re having sex and then all of a sudden you blurt out “I’m giving you a raise”?
4350 likes - 143 comments
Anselmo Montemayor Jr
01/18/2017 at 22:30
Elaine: Skinny Mirrors! Barney’s has Skinny Mirrors, they make you look, like, 10 pounds lighter.
Jerry: Oh, you're crazy.
Elaine: Am I? Do you think I would have bought this dress if I looked like this at Barney’s?
George: You know I think she might have something there.
Kramer: Whoa. What are you all dressed up for?
Elaine: Oh I’m returning this dress to Barney’s.
Kramer: Good idea.
Chad Matthew Lambert
01/18/2017 at 22:04
Jerry: Let me ask you this, are you in any way authorized to give raises?
George: Not that I'm aware.
01/19/2017 at 02:24
"You're extremely attractive, you're gorgeous. I'm looking at you, I can't even remember my name. ... I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra."
01/18/2017 at 17:00.
I can't get a massage from a man.
“The Note” is on Seinfeld tonight!
2624 likes - 125 comments
01/18/2017 at 17:05
"Men have been popping into my sexual fantasies. All of a sudden, I'll be in the middle." And a guy will appear from out of nowhere. I say 'Get out of here! What do you want? You don't belong here!' "
01/18/2017 at 17:03
"What if something happens?"
"What could happen?"
"What if it felt good?"
"It's supposed to feel good."
"I don't want it to feel good."
"Then why get the massage?"
01/18/2017 at 17:08
Isn't that the sign?
No contact is the sign, if it moves during contact.
Are you sure?
That's what a gym teacher once told me
01/17/2017 at 22:00.
No, no, Bania, no. This is the dinner. The soup counts.
14747 likes - 916 comments
01/17/2017 at 22:09
I have to agree with Jerry on this one. It doesn't matter what Bania gets, the fact of them sitting down in the restaurant counts as the meal. Bania sure had to make such a big deal about this just because Jerry got the salmon instead of the swordfish.
Anselmo Montemayor Jr
01/17/2017 at 22:06
George: Wow, is she not terrific?
Jerry: She does have a way.
George: You think she thinks I have a beautiful face, or is she just saying that?
Jerry: Well they do work on tips.
01/17/2017 at 22:17
"Try the swordfish. It's the best swordfish in the city, Jerry. THE BEST."
"I'll have the salmon."
01/17/2017 at 17:00.
What is the big deal? We go in there, we’re in there for a while, we come back out here.
“The Deal” is on Seinfeld tonight!
4206 likes - 155 comments
01/17/2017 at 17:01
You ask me here to have lunch, tell me you've slept with Elaine, and then you say you're not in the mood for details... Now you listen to me, I want details and I want them right now! I don't have a job, I have no place to go! You're not in the mood? Well you GET in the mood!
01/17/2017 at 18:44
ACTUAL SeinfeldMusicGuy here.. In this episode (The Deal), Elaine & Jerry stumble upon The Naked Channel on TV. An opportunity for me to create some cheesy soft-porn bow-wacka love music. Not surprisingly, this assignment (bad porn on TV) happened on a regular basis on many of the sitcoms I scored.
01/17/2017 at 20:47
-We established some ground rules.
-Okay hold on, I think I'm gonna need to hear some of these rules.
-Alright. Rule number one: No calling the next day.
-That's a pretty good rule. I'm impressed. Okay go on.
-Rule number two: Spending the night...optional.
-Okay, see right there? You got greedy.
If my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn’t shop there.
2918 likes - 60 comments
Everybody's talkin at me. I can't hear a word they're saying. I'm just driving around in Jon Voight's car....
What's the big deal? All I see is Woody Woodpecker. You got a problem with Woody? Yeah, what is he some sort of an instigator? That's right! He's a troublemaker!
Mom & Pop's plan was to move in the neighbourhood, and establish trust...for48 years, and then run off with Jerry's sneakers..
I'm gonna slip him a Mickey!
“The Revenge” is on Seinfeld tonight!
4537 likes - 166 comments
So what's gonna happen? Well, we take the bag of cement and dump it in the washer and by the end of the cycle it will turn into a solid block....If only you could put your mind to something worthwhile....
I'd also like to welcome back into the fold our little shrimpy friend, George Costanza who, although he didn't really have a very good year - how you blew that McConnell deal, I'll never know. But, hey, what the hell, huh? We've always enjoyed his antics around the office. Anything you wanna add to this?
They tend to give those jobs to like, ex ball players, and people that are...y'know, in broadcasting... Well, that's really not fair...
See when Seinfeld is on in your area:
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709 likes - 23 comments
01/21/2017 at 00:04
Can someone help me out here? What was the name of the episode that ends with a misunderstanding and this guy thinks George is gay or bi and he starts to move in closer to George and the episode ends with George screaming? I'm trying to find it but I can't recall the name or anything else that happens in the episode
"I'm going to count to 3. If you don't give up the chair, the wig comes off."
"I don't wear a WIG!!
Just gonna put a little concrete in the washing machine.
I think she finds my stupidity charming.
4625 likes - 118 comments
So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an eclaire in the receptacle. And you think to yourself, 'What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.'
Anselmo Montemayor Jr
KRAMER: A gymnast, Jerry. Think of the flexibility. Mmm, that sex'll melt your face.
JERRY: Yeah, well, I think I'm bailing.
JERRY: Yeah, you know, Kramer, there's always a price to pay for just a sexual dalliance.
KRAMER: Jerry, you should pay that price.
JERRY: She's Romanian. What am I gonna talk to her about, Ceausescu?
KRAMER: Ch- oo-... what?
Can we PLEASE keep politics out of here? The one thing I love about coming here and discussing Seinfeld, is discussing Seinfeld! It is an oasis from the chaos.
1948 likes - 77 comments
Elaine: Where you been Jerry!?, I've been smacking myself senseless!
Can I use your phone?
What's in it for me?
A bigger bill?
Hey. Go for it.
I don't think your friend is coming.
Looks out the window, sees Kramer and screams.
“The Stranded” is on Seinfeld tonight!
18153 likes - 983 comments
Will always love Seinfeld, but given that Michael Chamberlain, the father of the baby referred to in the line, died this week here in Australia, it might be sensitive if the meme is changed and the episode itself is shown at another time if possible.
"It's supposed to be a good party."
"What does that mean? Good dip?"
"No, there'll be girls there."
"There's girls everywhere. I go out of my apartment, there's girls in the elevator. They're in cafeterias, subways, so what?"
Kramer: I had the directions on the seat right next to me, they flew out the
Elaine: Then how did you find the place?
Kramer: Well I knew the exit on the Long Island Expressway, and I thought that
the address was 8713 Riviera Drive. Uh uh, so I drove around knocking on
everybody's doors that had those numbers; 8317, 7813, 3718, 1837, whoo.
Finally, I hit it. (Pop) 8173
Happy Birthday to Julia Louis-Dreyfus! Share your favorite Elaine moments in the comments below!
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22168 likes - 1967 comments
Jerry: You yada-yada'ed over the best part!
Elaine: No, I mentioned the bisque
Gosh, so many! ! Steeeellllllaaaa!! Maybe the dingo ate your baby.. you want a Christmas card! Here's ur Christmas card! .. of course elaine dancing! ! And when she rips George's toupee off. I love her 😁
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things"