04/21/2017 at 21:00.
So what do you do?
“Uh, I don’t know.”
4311 likes - 556 comments
04/21/2017 at 21:20
Joe DiMaggio, you know this time I went in and sat down across from him and I really watched him. I studied his every move. For example, *he dunks.*
04/21/2017 at 21:38
Jerry : hi, I need to talk to Juliana.
Receptionist : I'm sorry Mr Seinfeld, she's not here.
Jerry : I know she's mad at me
Jerry : Juliana....
Juliana : run Billy! Go to the office and lock the door! Call the police!
04/21/2017 at 21:17
Men have been popping in to my sexual fantasies...
A guy will appear out of nowhere.. I say get out of here! What do you want? You don't belong here!!
04/21/2017 at 16:00.
“I’m engaged to this woman? She doesn’t even like me…”
3062 likes - 92 comments
04/21/2017 at 16:00
Apparently she doesn't think much of this George fellow either. I recall the word ‘loser’ peppered throughout her conversation.
04/21/2017 at 16:11
Elaine, listen, I was talking to a friend about this dog business. Do you realize this is gonna be on our permanent records? Are you aware of this? It can never be erased. It'll follow us wherever we go for the rest of our lives. I'll never be able to get a job. I mean, doesn't that concern you? Everything I've worked for...down the drain because of one stupid mistake. I mean, aren't we entitled to make one mistake in our lives, Jerry?
04/21/2017 at 16:04
She didn't like the idea of postponing?
Yeah. How did you know?
I live and breathe my friend, I live and breathe.
04/20/2017 at 21:00.
Look at it, it’s a hand puppet.
“The Stock Tip” is on Seinfeld tonight!
1359 likes - 42 comments
04/20/2017 at 21:02
I don't want the money. In fact I don't even care about the money. I just want for one time to hear you admit that you shrunk it.
( looks ahead then quietly) I shrunk it.
04/20/2017 at 21:07
I told you those trips were relationship killers. Too bad you can't get your buddy Superman to fly around the Earth at super speed and reverse time.
04/20/2017 at 21:09
Got a real stock tip for you. Canada plans on legalizing pot in 2018. Auorora, ticker symbol ACBFF
Canadian stock. Little over 2 dollars a share. Was in business insider.
04/20/2017 at 18:31.
Happy #NationalHighFiveDay from #DavidPuddy and #Seinfeld!
10071 likes - 1748 comments
04/20/2017 at 19:15
This is one of my favorite top 5 episodes ever. The "we ate at Arby's....I had the roast beef" exchange cracks me up just thinking about it. Just about every episode with Puddy was pure gold.
04/20/2017 at 19:32
One of my favorites scenes is in this episode when Jerry is on the phone with Elaine and you can see Puddy in the background sitting in a chair and just staring straight ahead. Cracks me up every time
04/20/2017 at 18:40
Slapping hands is the lowest form of male primate ritual. In fact, even some of them have moved on - they’re using sign language now.
04/20/2017 at 16:00.
You wanna know what one of her favorite expressions is? “Happy, Pappy?”
“The Engagement” is on Seinfeld tonight!
2136 likes - 109 comments
04/20/2017 at 16:01
Kramer: Hey, what do you think they'll do to us?
Newman: Ah, don't worry about a thing. In twenty minutes that place will be swarming with mailmen. We'll be back on the street by lunch
04/20/2017 at 16:08
"Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner? You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?"
04/20/2017 at 16:42
-What about the pact?
-Remember? We made a pact we were both gonna change, we shook hands. Did you or did you NOT shake my hand?
-You stuck your hand out, so I shook it.
-That's a pact where I come from, baby!
-We come from the same place!
04/19/2017 at 21:00.
I hate the idea of somebody out there returning my calls.
2335 likes - 59 comments
04/19/2017 at 21:02
There's one design flaw, the door...must be closed!!!
04/19/2017 at 21:12
Okay Mr. Seinfeld, we'll look into it and let you know if we find anything. Do you ever find anything? No.
04/19/2017 at 21:30
One more thing, Benes, regarding sexual activity — strictly prohibited, but if you absolutely must, do us all a big favor: Do it in the tub.
04/19/2017 at 16:00.
With all due respect, I’m a much bigger idiot than you.
“The Highlights of 100, Pt 2” is on Seinfeld tonight!
1770 likes - 42 comments
04/19/2017 at 16:06
I just gave up a lifetime of guilt-free sex and free admission to any sporting event in Madison Square Garden...so please...a little respect....
04/19/2017 at 20:35
" So please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots. ( "You are all WINNERS!") But suddenly a new contender has emerged." Just flat out funnny.
Diana Strickland Sims
04/19/2017 at 16:13
My wife couldn't join me today.
Oh, you're married? What does she do?
She's an entomologist. You know, bee's, bug's, knat's".
04/18/2017 at 21:00.
I’m an architect.
4322 likes - 184 comments
04/18/2017 at 21:14
Say we're here to see a friend in the building..
Art Corvelay? What does he do?
He's an importer..
Just an importer? No exports
He's an importer/exporter..ok?
04/18/2017 at 21:52
Mrs Seinfeld : oh...Elaine called she wanted to know how your meeting with art valdelay went.
JERRY : she knows!
Mrs Seinfeld : knows what?
JERRY : about Vanessa and the elevator!
JERRY : I'm such an idiot!!!!
04/18/2017 at 21:14
You know how I always wanted to pretend to be an architect...
04/18/2017 at 19:00.
8467 likes - 447 comments
04/18/2017 at 19:12
Susan - So, what does he import?"
Elaine - "Uh...chips."
Susan - "Oh. What kind of chips?"
Elaine - "Potato."
Susan - "Ah."
Elaine - "Some corn."
Susan - "And what does he export?"
Elaine - "Diapers."
04/18/2017 at 19:10
JERRY : you were talking about your dream......where you had wooden teeth
ELAINE : no! You had wooden teeth! I didn't have wooden teeth, you did!!!!
JERRY : OK, I had wooden teeth....so what!
ELAINE : so nothing!
04/18/2017 at 20:19
Every day these post on our FB I say, THIS one is my favorite episode. Haha every single one is! Impossible to choose one!
04/18/2017 at 17:11.
It’s Tax Day! What are you writing off? #Seinfeld #TaxDay
18419 likes - 3671 comments
Billy De Blois
04/18/2017 at 17:25
One of my favorite scenes from Seinfeld. You can tell they were both trying not to laugh.
04/18/2017 at 18:51
Impeccable logic for a guy when fired told the owner "but I don't really work here" and was told "that's what makes this so difficult" Matthew Michael
04/18/2017 at 20:31
Brilliantly written, timed. the comedy was so good on this show. I can't think of a show that has or ever will come close to being this good.
04/18/2017 at 16:00.
The dingo ate your baby!
“Highlights of 100, Pt 1” is on Seinfeld tonight!
4722 likes - 218 comments
04/18/2017 at 16:33
Jerry: oh no it's Ramon, lean in
pretend like we're talking
Kramer: we are talking
Jerry: pretend it's important
Kramer: well then I had to kill him
and the police are still
looking for me
04/18/2017 at 23:04
TheREAL SeinfeldMusicGuy here..
This "Highlight" episode was also a highlight for me. It was the first time we created an actual Opening Main Title sequence for a Seinfeld episode. Connoisseurs will notice a special updated Seinfeld Theme Music arrangement for this.
04/18/2017 at 20:28
Jerry: Now listen, let's keep an eye on each other tonight. In case one of us
gets in a bad conversation, we should have a signal that you're in trouble so
the other one can get us out of it.
Elaine: How old are you?
Jerry: Thirty-six. What's the signal? Howbout this? Chicken wing? No, no,
no, I got a better one. Head patting.
Elaine: Whatever you want.
04/17/2017 at 21:00.
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore
1843 likes - 68 comments
04/17/2017 at 21:01
You want me to roll six thousand of these?! What?! Do you want me to quit my job?!
04/17/2017 at 21:11
I "use" to have people I hung out with that were just like that guy...Horneck? Doesn't listen to anything you say during a converstion until it's something that affects him persoanally...selective hearing.
04/17/2017 at 21:03
Butt what happens when it picks it up on our.... You know tell em Jerry......
I am out of hear
OK tell you d truth am Buck "..."........Actor
04/17/2017 at 17:00.
We’re the Devils! The Devils!
“The Face Painter” is on Seinfeld tonight!
6614 likes - 461 comments
04/17/2017 at 17:00
Puddy: Hey, great dip. You made this?
Elaine: No, it's from the store.
Puddy: Oh. Hey, how come people don't have dip for dinner? Why is it only a snack? Why can't it be a meal, you know? I don't understand stuff like that.
04/17/2017 at 17:00
Puddy: Hey, what are you doing?! Watch where you're driving, man! Don't mess with the Devils, buddy. We're number one, we beat anybody! We're the Devils! The Devils!! Haaaa!!!
Father Hernandez: El Diablo! Dios mio! EL DIABLO!!
04/17/2017 at 17:04
Take toilet paper for example. Do you realize that toilet paper has
not changed in my lifetime? It's just paper on a cardboard roll, that's it.
And in ten thousand years, it will still be exactly the same because really,
what else can they do?
04/17/2017 at 16:00.
See when Seinfeld is on in your area:
[ Bit.ly Link ]
494 likes - 22 comments
04/20/2017 at 20:50
Elaine : Georgie! I haven't seen you since It happened!
George : if you ever get a date,
Maybe we'd all get together. Didn't you mention some guy in your building that you liked
ELAINE : yes, yes! Well i gotta run, but give Susan my most heart felt congratulations
04/17/2017 at 16:04
Thought you said no more painting?
I said no more face painting and as you can clearly see, this is not my face.
04/17/2017 at 16:58
Susan: I just want you to know that I love your son very much.
Estelle: You do?
Estelle: May I ask why?
Jerry, this is the dullest moment I’ve ever experienced.
3337 likes - 106 comments
Connor Theodore Gossman
"You can't overdry."
"Same reason you can't overwet. Same thing with death. Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you. You're not gonna die again; you're already dead! You can't overdie, you can't overdry!"
"I can't believe you're bringing in an extra bed for a woman that wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy, too."
George : Clair, if a woman called me up and told me that she had to come into town and then maybe we'd get together, do you think she wants to see me??
Clair : I would have to say....no
( George holds up a sheet of paper)
GEORGE : no!
5883 likes - 201 comments
Now, the ending is kind of an option...I use the swirl, I like the swirl, I'm comfortable with the swirl. *I* feel the swirl is a great capper...He uses the pinch, which I find a little presumptuous.
KRAMER : George, I'm gonna work on one of you. I'm using ravioli
"There's been a mistake im not the Assman." lol that line made me laugh at work so loud
Cosmo Kramer. You are the Assman!
“The Fusilli Jerry” is on Seinfeld tonight!
4602 likes - 240 comments
You're not out there! You can't be, because *I* am out there. And if I see *you* out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to
electroshock me back into coherence!
Well, as far as the State of NY is concerned, you ARE THE ASSMAN!...
Jerry: Now, the ending is kind of an option. I use the swirl. I like the swirl. I'm comfortable with the swirl. I feel the swirl is a great capper. He uses the pinch, which I find a little presumptuous.
George: Is it a clockwise swirl?
Jerry: I prefer clockwise, but it's not written in stone.
"I proclaim this the summer of George!" #TheSummerofGeorge
12809 likes - 665 comments
Jerry: Why do they want you to fire Raquel Welch?
Kramer: Because they're terrified of her. I heard from someone they cut one of her lines, she climbed up a rope on the side of the stage and started dropping lights on people’s heads. A story like that's gotta be true.
George: We are always sitting here, I am always helping you with your girl problems and you are helping me with my girl problems. Where do we end up?
George: Exactly! Because neither one of us can't handle a woman all by ourselves.
Jerry: I'm trying.
George: I've tried. We don't have it. But maybe the two of us, working together at full capacity, could do the job of one normal man.
Jerry: Then each of us would only have be like a half man. (George nods in agreement)...That sounds about right!
Elaine : look at what she did to my office!
PeterMan : I'm in the middle of a good ol' fashioned cat fight! Woof!!
Elaine : you mean rear?
I’m grotesque! I look like a troll!
“The Doodle” is on Seinfeld tonight!
2509 likes - 89 comments
Jerry: Oh! my god. What the hell is this? Don't tell me. Velvet!!!
George: It's the real deal.
Jerry: She's seen you in this thing.
George: That's right. We just had sex. You know Jerry I've been searching for someone a long time. Well the search is over.
Jerry: And now the search for the right psychiatrist begins.
George: I want you to find out is she likes me.
Elaine: Find out if likes you?. What, are you in High School?...George come on can't you just talk to her yourself?
George: But she's gonna know that I like her more than she likes me.
Jerry: You know my parents are coming in and I got some clean up to do , so if you and Potsie are done scheming....
Jerry: Oh! man did you see that. I ate discarded food.
George: Well I've done that.
Jerry: Yeah, but with you it's intentional.
You gotta make the whole muffin. Then you pop the top, toss the stump!
4795 likes - 326 comments
George: I think I understand this. J. Peterman is real. His biography is not. Now you Kramer are real.
Kramer: Talk to me.
George: But your life is Peterman's. Now the bus tour, which is real, takes you to places that while they are real, they are not real in the sense that they did not REALLY happen to the REAL Peterman, which is YOU!
Elaine: Do you think you could transport some stumps for me? I'll make it worth your while.
Kramer: Well, if they don't mind sitting in the back.
Elaine: No they don't.
Kramer: Are they war veterans?
Steinbrenner: Wait a minute George. Moonlighting for Tyler Chicken. Pretty impressive George. Days with the New York Yankees and nights in Arkansas with a top flight bird outlet. And a hen supervisor to boot! I AM BLOWN! BLOWWWN AWAY! BLOW GEORGE! BLOW WO OH OH OH OH WO WO WO OH OH OH!