yesterday at 21:00.
Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce.
2211 likes - 197 comments
yesterday at 21:01
Jerry: Hold it. Broccoli? Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce.
Newman: I love.... broccoli. Its...good for you.
Jerry: Really? Then maybe you'd like to have a piece?
[Newman spits it out]
Newman: Vile weed!
Jerry: It's for Kramer isn't it? I knew it. The greasy door knob. The constant licking of the fingers. He's hooked on the chicken isn't he?
Newman: Yes! Yes! Now please. Someone. Honey mustard.
yesterday at 21:09
I'm on no sleep! No sleep! You don't know what it's like in there! All night long things are creaking and cracking and the red light keep burning my brain!
You look a little stressed.
Oh I'm stressed!
yesterday at 21:03
I love...broccoli it's...good for you.
Really? Then maybe you would like to have a piece?
Gladly...(eats then coughs it out)...VILE WEED!
yesterday at 19:01.
1161 likes - 74 comments
yesterday at 19:02
That shirt.. where did you get that shirt?? You stole my shirt you son of a bitch!!... I got it from Rudy!!... Rudy!!?? That skunk, I knew he didn't burn those clothes lmao
yesterday at 19:26
"Could you make it $225...that was dad's high score in bowling."
yesterday at 19:12
We're moving to Del Boca Vista!! We're gonna be in the clubhouse, in the pool and all over that shuffleboard court!!!
yesterday at 16:00.
You were making out during Schindler's List?
“The Raincoats, Pt 2” is on Seinfeld tonight!
1596 likes - 54 comments
yesterday at 16:03
FRANK: You burned them? Those clothes are not yours to burn.
RUDY: Who are you anyways?
FRANK: I'm the father.
RUDY: He said his father was dead.
FRANK: He said I was dead?
RUDY: That's right. Squeezed an extra twenty-five dollars out of me.
FRANK: That's what my life is worth to him? Twenty-five dollars.
Anselmo Montemayor Jr
yesterday at 18:51
JACK: There is something wrong with the key. The key doesn't work
MORTY: You gotta jiggle it a little bit.
JACK: I jiggled it. I jiggled it for fifteen minutes.
MORTY: You gotta pull on the knob as you turn it.
JACK: Get the hell outta here with your knob.
MORTY: My idiot son could open that garage door.
yesterday at 17:51
Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?
03/23/2017 at 21:00.
Not the Farbman!
3187 likes - 155 comments
03/23/2017 at 21:03
Jerry Seinfeld is a dangerous lunatic...he would not open the drawers and he come at me with an axe!!! Yes, we suspect his friend here is also unbalanced....
03/23/2017 at 23:51
George: (frantically running to phone booth, throws young boy out and calls Jerry)
George: Jerry the Japanese guys had sake in the hot tub you gotta wake them up and get them down here or I don't have a focus group to sell the pilot to Japanese TV!!!!!
Jerry: uncle Leo?
George: JERRRRYYY!!!!!!!! (Bangs phone repeatedly on phone booth)
03/23/2017 at 21:10
Every time I hear Desperado or Witchay Woman I am reminded of this episode. You could make a greatest hits album of the music used in Seinfeld episodes.
03/23/2017 at 16:00.
Maybe this will become a cool thing… living with your parents.
“The Raincoats, Pt 1” is on Seinfeld tonight!
3261 likes - 175 comments
03/23/2017 at 16:01
JERRY: She lives with her parents.
GEORGE: Really? Maybe this will become like a cool thing, living with your parents.
JERRY: Ya, then maybe baldness will catch on. This will all be turning your way.
GEORGE: Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?
JERRY: The baldies
03/23/2017 at 16:51
I had to break a window to get in your garage...you broke a window?! Well, you wanted those damn boxes didn't you? You got to jiggle the key....I jiggled!
03/23/2017 at 16:14
Where are my cabana clothes?
Who are you?
I'm the father.
He told me his father was dead....squeezed and extra $25 out of me.
That's what my life is worth to him $25.
03/22/2017 at 21:00.
I sent 16 of my own men to the latrines that night.
8504 likes - 364 comments
03/22/2017 at 21:00
Frank: Tell that to Bobby Colby. All that kid wanted to do was go home. Well
he went home alright, with a crater in his colon the size of a cutlet. Had to
sit him on a cork the eighteen-hour flight home!
03/22/2017 at 21:05
Here's your omelette... it's dry... that's the way I always make it... well, IT SUCKS!!... what did you say??... your meatloaf is mushy , your salmon croquettes are oily and your eggplant Parmesan is a disgrace to this house!!... well that's too bad! Cause I'm the only one who cooks around here!!... Not anymore!! Gimmie that spatula!! ---cracks an egg with one hand--- I'm back baby!!!! Lololol
03/22/2017 at 21:01
Eddie: It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife; the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be dead by sun up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray nightshirts.
03/22/2017 at 16:00.
“The Fire” is on Seinfeld tonight!
4717 likes - 268 comments
03/22/2017 at 16:02
JERRY: So you feel "women and children first," in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion.
GEORGE: To some degree.
JERRY: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves.
GEORGE: In a manner of speaking.
JERRY: Well, it's honest.
03/22/2017 at 16:03
GEORGE: And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?
FIREMAN: How do you live with yourself?
GEORGE: Its not easy.
03/22/2017 at 16:05
Does he really need "the clown" in his name? Are we going to confuse him with Bozo the district attorney?
03/21/2017 at 21:00.
Work it! Work it! Oh, yeah!
“The Package” is on Seinfeld tonight!
9257 likes - 574 comments
03/21/2017 at 21:08
You don't know what a right off is? Do you? No I don't! But their the ones writing it off! I wish I had the last 20 seconds of my life back…
03/21/2017 at 21:15
Kramer : You are a lover boy !!
Jerry : Oh yeah . This can't miss.
03/21/2017 at 21:13
TheREAL SeinfeldMusicGuy here..
Jennifer's music instructions to me for the Kramer-taking-semi-naked-photos-of-George scene: Sexy, throbbing, erotic dance music on Kramer's boom box . Ok then.
03/21/2017 at 19:00.
3917 likes - 112 comments
03/21/2017 at 20:03
JERRY : no, no bomb. stupid Leo left some oven cleaner in the oven and the light was on. But it cinched off his eye brows and everything....he's all smooth now
03/21/2017 at 20:58
Getting kinda hot under these lights, eh Seinfeld...pretty hot.
Actually I'm quite comfortable. (swirls soda can)
Can I have sip?
03/22/2017 at 02:14
Jerry: "Open the package, Leo."
Leo: OK. "Opening..."
Jerry and George stare at each other, trying to make sense of what they just heard.
Classic! I loved this show!
03/21/2017 at 16:00.
I guess I just wasn’t ready for the responsibilities of a pretend marriage.
“The Wife” is on Seinfeld tonight!
2593 likes - 53 comments
03/21/2017 at 16:02
Uh, we don't allow any outside syrups, jams or condiments in the restaurant. And if I catch you in here with that again...I will confiscate it.
03/21/2017 at 16:01
Why couldn't you just wait?
I was there! I saw a drain!
Since when is a drain a toilet?!
It's all PIPES! What's the difference?!?
03/21/2017 at 16:07
Jerry: where's the can opener? Meryl: it's in the first drawer Jerry: hey, i'm not stupid. i'm looking in the first drawer, it's not here. Meryl: Did I say you were stupid? Jerry: well wouldn't I have to be?
03/20/2017 at 21:00.
5901 likes - 197 comments
03/20/2017 at 21:01
Jerry: Interesting. She doesn't care for you, then a stern warning, suddenly a phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs the bad boy.
George: I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy.
Jerry: You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend...
George: Yes, yes...
Jerry: The bad fiance, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk...
George: Okay, the point is made.
Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen.....The bad tipper!
03/20/2017 at 21:01
More like a full body dry heaves.
Wait you've know about this?
For some time.
03/20/2017 at 21:08
George: I'm a bootlegger!
Anna: You're a what?
George: I'm bootleggin' a movie, baby!
Anna: Isn't that illegal?
George: I can do hard time for this one. And community service!
Anna: Is this your FiberCon?
George: (Takes it and throws it out window) Get outta my way!
03/20/2017 at 17:00.
He took it out.
“The Stand-In” is on #Seinfeld tonight!
3486 likes - 210 comments
03/20/2017 at 17:01
GEORGE: So she's just sitting there. She's having a pleasant conversation... and all of a sudden.
GEORGE: Out...Wow...I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off.
03/20/2017 at 17:22
JERRY : hey.....Phil
Phil : I'm sorry, things didn't work out with Elaine. I don't know what I did wrong
JERRY : well, you showed her who you are
03/20/2017 at 17:02
GEORGE: You know what I've come to realize? I'm not just bored. I genuinely dislike her.
JERRY: Well how long you are going to keep this up?
GEORGE: Hey I'll get married if I have to. Al Netchie will think twice before he opens his mouth about me again.
JERRY: You know George they are doing wonderful things at mental institutions these days. I'd be happy to set-up a meet and greet.
GEORGE: I'm very disappointed to here you talk like that. You still don't know what makes me tick.
JERRY: Yes I do.
03/20/2017 at 16:00.
See when Seinfeld is on in your area:
[ Bit.ly Link ]
486 likes - 25 comments
03/21/2017 at 03:27
Seeing an episode of seinfeld for the 200th time is still better than a fresh episode of anything that's come out in the last 15 years.
03/20/2017 at 16:40
Jerry : MA! I'm not married!
Helen : well...uncle Leo said
JERRY : I'm just pretending to be married so I can get a discount on dry cleaning
03/20/2017 at 16:17
What, do I have to spell it out for you? He was moving on her like the storm-troopers into Poland.
Jerry was necking during Schindler's List?
Yes! A more offensive spectacle I cannot recall!
She had man hands.
3395 likes - 95 comments
GEORGE : Jerry! I need you to get me another picture of 'man hands' or I can't get back into the forbidden city!
JERRY : who is this?!
GEORGE : ( bangs phone on the table) Jerry!!!!
Jerry: (barely awake early in the morning, stumbles out of bed and looks bewildered at Kramer already awake dressed in a full suit cooking eggs)
Kramer: hey!!! Good morning buddy!
Jerry: Kramer?!? What the hell are you doing?
Kramer: I'm making breakfast - I gotta be into Brandt Leeland by 9:00
Kramer: because I'm working there that's why...
Jerry: what's going on what year is this how long have I been asleep?
Elaine: "Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?" Jerry: "Would she have hooks?" Elaine: "Do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?" Jerry: "Kinda cool looking."
8428 likes - 918 comments
The hands of a man. It's like a creature out of Greek Mythology, I mean, she was like part woman, part horrible beast
It's funny how George is using the picture of Elaine's friend with stats on the back as his dead fiance and none of the models notice that LOL
03/18/2017 at 13:54
Jerry : She had man hands George: She had man hands? / Elaine standing in the middle of the street both groups of friends come calling Elaine she says Bizarro World. George says can I come Elaine says we already have a George lol.
Happy #StPatricksDay from #Seinfeld!
30338 likes - 2497 comments
Listen, don't take this personally, but when I come back I'm sitting over there.
Devin Alexander Johnson
Cant wait to drink some Hennigans tonight. The original no-smell, no-tell scotch.
hehe Seinfeld always has the best memes for all occasions love this episode will watch it tonight in honour of having a cold one and feeling good all the time. Classic KRAMER! Love it
“The Marine Biologist” is on Seinfeld tonight!
18670 likes - 931 comments
George: You put me in a very difficult position, Marine Biologist! I'm very uncomfortable with this whole thing.
Jerry: You know with all do respect I would think it's right up your alley.
George: Well it's not up my alley! It's one thing if I make it up. I know what I'm doin. I know my alleys! You got me in the Galapagos Islands livin' with the turtles. I don't know where the hell I am.
George: What if she calls? What am I supposed to say?
(Later he is talking to Diane on the phone)
Algae, obviously plankton. I don't know what else I can tell you, Oh I just got back from a trip to the Galapagos Islands. I was living wiith the turtles.
I came eye to eye with the great fish...
I think the M&M should be you.
6219 likes - 252 comments
GEORGE: ...He embibed her glistening spell...just before the other shoe...fell.
WYCK: Is that a Keats poem?
GEORGE: No, it's a Newman.
Brandyn T. Williams
GEORGE: I don't think you're ready for this....
JERRY: Try me
GEORGE: I believe that I am about to become the target of a systematic process of intimidation and manipulation, the likes of --
JERRY: --hold on....you're right, I'm not ready for this.
Considering all the Super Man references in the show, aren't you surprised they used a Power Rangers figure instead of a Super Man figure?
I don’t need much, just three squares will do it!
"The Stall" is on Seinfeld tonight!
4983 likes - 342 comments
Elaine: Oh, is it two-ply? 'Cause if it's two-ply I'll only need one ply, one ply, one, one puny little ply, I'll take one measly ply. Jane: Look , I don't have a square and I don't have a square. (flushing and leaving).
She's the phone sex girl?? You're crazy!
Am I - or have I just blown your mind.
It can't be!
Can't it!! Or is your entire world just crashing down around you??
Hey Andre! Get the hell off the phone!
Oh Kramer is messing around with those 977 numbers.
( walks in)
Hey! I told ya I don't want you calling those numbers on my phone!
I say it’s a peach!
6325 likes - 170 comments
Oh I'm the doofus? You know it occurs to me that Kramer is down at the dojo right now.
Huh. Maybe I'll go down there and personally thank him.
Yeah. That's what I was thinking.
Businessman 1: It was nothing unusual. Every afternoon for the last 24 years I'd shut the door to my office and sneak a little shuteye. No one was the wiser. But then my wife gets me this urban sombrero. The next thing I know, my ass is out on the street.
Businessman 2: I tried one too. I woke up and found my walking papers tacked to the brim. Stupid J. Pendleton.
Elaine: It's Peterman. It's J. Peterman.
Businessman 1: I never thought a hat would destroy my life.
Anselmo Montemayor Jr
Jerry: Okay, question #8. What if I told you my fiancee left me for another man? Does that make me more likable, less likable, as likable? Let's start over here this time.
Waitress #1: More.
Waitress #2: Less.
Willie: Are we about through here?