The Onion
The Onion
yesterday at 15:10. Facebook
Andrew Eff
Derek Rodrigues
Natalie Horne
The Onion
The Onion
yesterday at 14:07. Facebook
The oddball also reportedly smears chemicals of various colors and consistencies all over his genitals, underarms, and hair.
The oddball also reportedly smears chemicals of various colors and consistencies all

Weird Man Begins Every Morning By Dousing His Naked Body In Water

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Derek Rodrigues
Davin Phelps
Andrew Eff
The Onion
The Onion
yesterday at 13:04. Facebook
"I don’t know what happened to her these past few months, but this woman has taken a beating."
I dont know what happened to her these past few months but

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

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Tommi Becker
Benjamin Howell
Anthony Cristino
The Onion
The Onion
yesterday at 04:03. Facebook
"Do you think you’re some sort of funny guy? Do you think you can mess with me? Well, now is the time to do that."
Do you think youre some sort of funny guy Do you think

Nation’s Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

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Tyler Knezevich
John Haring
Cody Webb
The Onion
The Onion
yesterday at 03:12. Facebook
"I’d have guessed he was in a blues band or trying to write a screenplay or a collection of poems or something—you know, something that necessitated having a day job."
Id have guessed he was in a blues band or trying to

Middle-Aged Waiter Sadly Not Involved In Any Creative Endeavor

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Cody Webb
Dave Pierce
Alexis Ayres
The Onion
The Onion
yesterday at 02:21. Facebook
Ron Blair
Kerry Moe
Girish Anandi
The Onion
The Onion
yesterday at 01:51. Facebook
Steve Knight
Justin Rakowski
Scott Fernelius
The Onion
The Onion
yesterday at 01:30. Facebook
In this week's news: Donald Trump, U.S. arms funneling, and Neil Gorsuch
Mike Kennedy
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 23:48. Facebook
Kim Redfearn
Ryan Swadley
Alex Jones
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 22:57. Facebook
"We’re all so attached to our devices that we sometimes forget about taking time to come together for a little while."
Were all so attached to our devices that we sometimes forget about

Family Has Strict No Smartphone Rule While Eating Dinner In Front Of TV

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Cameron Macdonald
G.J. Nelson
Ron Swanson
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 22:06. Facebook
G.J. Nelson
Andrew Schaug
Ryan Coulter
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 21:15. Facebook
Sunday Magazine: [ Trib.al Link ]
Sunday Magazine
Fred Bunting
Jason Gately
Davin Phelps
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 20:36. Facebook
To demonstrate how humans might one day build structures on the red planet, scientists have used dirt that mimics the composition of Martian soil to make highly durable bricks. What do you think?
To demonstrate how humans might one day build structures on the red

Scientists Constructing Bricks From Simulated Martian Soil

trib.al
Joe Lichtblau
Leo Miller
Leland Chapin
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 19:55. Facebook
Marina Sani
Andrew Eff
Douglas Spalding
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 19:14. Facebook
“This engaging and provocative author is a must-have for any collector of great American prose fiction writers.”
This engaging and provocative author is a musthave for any collector of

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Releases New Leather-Bound Philip Roth

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Ken Frazer
Roberta Jacob
Jason Bias
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 18:43. Facebook
"Some of my favorite memories are the mornings I would get to the rink stables early to feed Coconut and Mary Lou before throwing on their leather Zamboni harness and taking them out to freshen up the ice."
Some of my favorite memories are the mornings I would get to

Retired Ice Rink Manager Recalls Days Of Horse-Led Zambonis

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Jerri Bullock
Armando Muñoz
Jeffrey Daniels
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 18:12. Facebook
Frank Raasch
Jason Bias
Marcus Johnson
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 17:41. Facebook
Justin Lee Chung
John McKessy
Zach Milbradt
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 17:10. Facebook
Brett Engle
Dana Macfarlane
The Onion
The Onion
04/28/2017 at 16:39. Facebook
Billy Willey
Don Lyttle
Ken Brown